sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
