hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
