you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
