I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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