new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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