Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
