Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Houston, we have a squirter
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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