I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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