wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
