Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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