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i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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