We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My dick has a subreddit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
