i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
