so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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