you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
