It's Friday. Sex?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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