This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
