I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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