the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
