you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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