Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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