so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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