hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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