nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So. Much. Porn.
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