i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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