My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
