I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize