is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.