woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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