why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.