She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.