I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.