8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.