I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
