Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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