I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize