Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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