so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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