You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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