this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
