Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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