don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
