I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
