im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
