Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
