I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
