Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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