But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
