so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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