at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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