Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
