She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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