phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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