Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
