I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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