One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize