we're blogging at a bar
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
