Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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