eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
