"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
