Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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