Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
