He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
