had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
