I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
