and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
