They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
