is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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