I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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